If you’ve stumbled across this article because you’ve dreadfully found yourself in this situation yourself – first off let me express my sincere condolences.
I had my first pet loss earlier this year and lost my precious little Athos. While he did not die suddenly in his sleep, and we did notice a few symptoms that had us worrying enough to take him to the vet – we did not realize the extent to which he was sick and ended up having both issues with his heart and with his lungs, and died within only a few short weeks of us realizing there was even anything wrong.
That being said, it’s not uncommon to be completely unaware of a cat being ill or sick – not because you are a bad cat owner at all. In fact, you could be the most attentive cat owner in the world, home 24/7, constantly watching your vets and always going in for your vet visits, and still a cat can die suddenly, completely out of the blue, whether it’s in their sleep or during another time of day.
That’s for a couple of different reasons. First, we all know that cats don’t really let on when they’re feeling unwell. They can even be in pain and very hurt and still not show it all that much at all. My guess is this is for some survival reason – such as to protect them from predators who may otherwise be able to pick on them when they’re weak.
Whatever the explanation may be, you should try not to put blame on yourself for “not seeing the signs” – as not only would they not likely have been obvious if there even were any, but your cat may actually not have been sick or ill or in pain at all before or even while they were passing away.
There are health conditions that cats can have that quite literally manifest out of the blue and without any warning. Specifically some heart conditions fall into this category, and unfortunately, they’re really not all that rare.
There are heart conditions like hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (you can read more about it here) – the most common type of heart disease in cats – that have minimal clinical signs and sometimes even no clinical signs before they heartbreakingly lead to heart failure.
The clinical signs are so minimal that one third of cats with this condition don’t even have heart murmurs – so even if you were regularly getting check ups and doing absolutely everything right for your cat, still this sadly could still have gone undiagnosed.
And while there are technically things you can do to help – they’re not fixes, and they only help to prolong a cat’s life if he or she just so happens to have a mild version of the heart disease.
Some cats with the condition can live years, some live mere months. And HCM can happen in cats from as young as 6 months old to up to 17 years old – so it really can happen at any time. Because it doesn’t develop at birth, but develops over time, you literally could never have known.
All this to say – there really are cases where:
There was no way you could have known something was wrong.
Your cat may not even have felt sick or ill at all prior to passing.
There was nothing that could be done about what was wrong, even if you did happen to find out before they passed.
So please, if it’s at all possible, take a moment to let it sink in that this is unlikely to have at all been and it’s very, very likely, considering how much you care for your pet to even feel this level of responsibility that there was sadly, probably nothing you could have done to prevent this.
The fact that you feel awful, sad, maybe even guilty about this means that you cared for your pet so, so much and if you know in your heart that were you to have known or been able to do anything to have prevented this, that you would have done it – realize that that is the token that shows how good a pet parent you have been to that lovely soul.
When my precious Athos died, to cardiomyopathy but I’m not sure which type, very little could comfort me for months. Even the company of my two remaining cats could not console me.
I scanned back every symptom, every move we made at the vet, every single thing I noticed or could think that I had not noticed. I tortured myself thinking I did this to myself.
But the facts are the facts – sometimes, these things just happen, and there is nothing you can do. And once I finally let that sink in, I started being able to grieve.
The little silver linings were my saving grace, mentally. Some of these were..
That I loved my cat and he loved me. And I know he felt loved and appreciated and that his home was safe and a nice place to live until his last.
That I even got to meet him. Cardiomyopathy can happen at any point in a cat’s life after 6 months, pretty much. I am so lucky I had a chance to meet him in the first place.
That I had as long as I did with him. I got to spend a few years with him, and while it felt too short – there’s never enough time 🙁 – still, it’s true that we could have lost him much sooner. I am so glad he was with us as long as he was.
That he did not suffer for long. I know that he was uncomfortable in his last two weeks. I wish he had died in his sleep instead of the way he did – because I know that he suffered while we tried to do everything possible for him to make it out alive. But I know I did everything in my power to make sure he did not suffer for very long, and said goodbye to him as soon as I knew he was too sick to go on, so he could be at peace.
He will forever be sorely missed. But now sometimes, many months later, I can feel gratitude and appreciate my memories of him more than before – when I was practically only able to feel the overwhelming pain of being separated from him.
My heart goes out to all of you who have lost a cat, if it was in this particular way or otherwise. It is never ever easy – but that pain is the flipside of you having loved your cat ever so much.
Give yourself time to grieve. Take comfort in knowing you loved your cat so dearly and would have done as much as you possibly could for them, if you’d known and been able to do something about their health condition.
And know that this type of thing does happen, and it’s absolutely possible to never have known or been able to do anything about it.
Let go of as much of the guilt as you possibly can if you feel it. Because both you and your dearly beloved cat know – you loved them so much, and would have moved mountains for them.
