Ask a Witch is StyleCaster’s advice column offering sage advice and practical magic for modern problems. Every Friday, our resident witch Roya Backlund will answer your most vulnerable conundrums through the lens of astrology, Tarot, and spirituality. Submit questions to askawitch@stylecaster.com, along with your birth information—date, time, and location—as well as birth information for other parties involved, if you have it. Hex what vexes you: Ask a Witch.
Dear Roya,
I was in an eight-year relationship that ended last year—and I want to know if what we had was a Plutonian or karmic relationship. (Editor’s note: A karmic relationship is when you have baggage from a past life together or when your partner triggers something “unhealed” in you.) My ex keeps trying to get back together, but I want to let him go. Our relationship was marred by obsession, control, and codependency.
Our relationship began in 2016, when we met at work. I wasn’t really expecting to meet anyone. (At the time, I was working my way through another karmic quagmire.) But we ended up flirting, talking, and eventually became an official couple. We quickly grew enmeshed and codependent—but I soon started to feel like I couldn’t trust him.
As the years went on, I was (unfortunately) proven right. After feeling more and more distrustful, I eventually went through his phone and discovered he was flirting with other women. Some messages were sexually explicit. Stupidly, I forgave him. Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t have.
One evening last year, I needed to work late, and he said he was home. Later, I found out he wasn’t. When I confronted him, he tried to blame me instead of taking accountability. That was the final straw.
It’s been about a year now, and my ex keeps texting me trying to get me back. I have not obliged. I recently texted him asking him to never contact me again, because I will not be changing my mind. I’ll never be able to trust him.
What do you think? Was this relationship karmic, or just a terrible time?
Sincerely,Karmically Connected
Dear Karmically Connected,
Any relationship that teaches you a lesson is bound to be karmic. When you keep that in mind, most relationships are, in fact, karmic. The best way to describe a karmic relationship is when you meet someone you knew in a past life and you still feel the spiritual tethers of your history together. You will have unfinished business to resolve and patterns to break. In a more literal sense, a karmic relationship ensues when a person triggers the parts of you that remain unhealed, bringing up old habits, fears, and wounds. In the end, the experience leaves both of you transformed (and not always for the better).
There’s often a romantic connotation to the idea of a karmic connection, like that one ex you can’t stop going back to or that ongoing “situationship” that you never quite hard launch. However, that’s not always the case. In this life, you’ll meet family members, coworkers, teachers, friends, enemies, and haters you share a karmic past with.
Like always, astrology can be used to analyze the viscera of a relationship, and you can use it to look for signs of karmic energy you might share with them. And upon looking at the synastry you share with your ex, I immediately see signs of a past not yet finished.
There has always been something subconscious and concealed about your connection with your ex, as seen in the fact that both his Venus—planet of love—and Jupiter—planet of expansion—are both in Capricorn, situated in your 12th house of spirituality. This means that his desire for you activated all that remained unspoken inside of you, bringing forgotten memories and unrealized feelings to the surface. The fact that his Neptune—planet of dreams and delusions—is nestled beside these planets gives your relationship an even more mystical and rose-colored effect, making it harder to see the red flags for what they are. You’ve always wanted to see the best in him and focus on the potential, but it has never been easy to prop up your love for him with something solid. (Learn more about your Venus sign and your Jupiter sign.)
Your 12th house synastry with this man also shows why, despite the fact that your relationship is now over, he continues to orbit your universe, begging to be let back in. It explains why you’re still going over the post-mortem of your relationship, analyzing the bruises and blood spatter and hoping to uncover who’s at fault. When it comes to the 12th house, time doesn’t exist. It’s a nebulous and never-ending space. More likely than not, you will never forget this man. I haven’t spoken to a man I share 12th house synastry with in five years, and he still shows up in my dreams. (Learn more about the 12 houses of astrology.)
Now, 12th house synastry does not automatically mean a relationship is doomed. Your relationship with your ex was weighed down by even more baggage than just that. He was born with Mars—planet of action and violence—and Saturn—planet of obstacles and restrictions—sitting in a tight conjunction, right in his fourth house of home and family. This can indicate a difficult upbringing, or that a heavy burden was placed on him at a young age, making it harder for him to relax in his personal life. A burden like this could manifest as a full-blown contradiction, making him someone that wants to start a family just as much as he’s terrified of failing at it. This energy can be rather self-sabotaging, and because this conjunction is squaring off with your Aquarius moon in the seventh house of partnerships, it was always bound to disappoint your perspective of what a relationship with this man should look like. The seventh house is where spouses and significant others live, but it’s also where your arch enemies make themselves known. After all, the flip-side of love is always hate. (Learn more about your Mars sign and your Saturn sign.)
As you mentioned, Pluto—planet of death, rebirth, and transformation—also sheds light on the karmic circumstances of our lives. You were born with Pluto in your ninth house of philosophies and beliefs, but your ex’s natal Venus is directly squaring off with your natal Pluto, right in your 12th house of spiritual influences. This can indicate a relationship that is constantly dredging up unseen energies, such as secrets, unrealized truths, and of course, love affairs. While your natal Pluto wanted to have faith in his form of love, the truth always disrupted what you wanted to believe, revealing a much different reality. (Learn more about your Pluto sign.)
The thing about karmic relationships is they last forever, through time and space, across lifetime after lifetime. In this life, he taught you lessons about never ignoring your inner voice, because you knew deep down that he was dishonest and yet you still took him back. In this life, you showed him that his own self-sabotage ruined an opportunity to build the life he’s always dreamed of having. If either of you do not learn these lessons in this life, you are bound to repeat it again and again, over and over. And once you do learn this lesson, chances are, you will still meet again, only to teach each other something completely different.
Remember that a deep love always exists between you and the people who have hurt you, hated you, and betrayed you. Your higher selves made a decision to write this story together—to imprint on each other’s spiritual history and play out these circumstances in order for your souls to grow. That’s all this life is—one big learning experience that we will take with us to the next life. And even though karmic relationships can be painful and often end in flames, that doesn’t mean they weren’t extremely important for your spiritual evolution.
Eventually, you may even reach a point where you thank him for teaching you these lessons, knowing your experience together set you up for something even better. But until then, block him and stop giving him your energy. His lying ass can rot in hell, where he belongs.
Dreamily,Roya
About Roya
Roya Backlund is StyleCaster’s Senior Lifestyle & Astrology Editor and a professional witch. Born in Los Angeles on May 26—the same day as Stevie Nicks—she’s been obsessed with the zodiac since she discovered she was a Gemini as a child. Her interest in mysteries and the occult began in the metaphysical section at her local Borders. If you’re a fan of astrology, spirituality, and witchcraft, you’ve probably read her horoscopes and lifestyle articles, which have appeared elsewhere in Elite Daily, PopSugar, Astrology.com, and more. Whether you want to delve deeper into your birth chart or interpret signs from your spirit guides, Roya’s got you covered.
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