How to Stay Alive According to Lifetime Movies

I randomly started streaming the Lifetime movie “Danger Below Deck” the other day when I needed a brain break.

Who knew it would prove to be so informative? I really wanted to look away, but dang — I COULD NOT!

About the Movie
Two influencers find themselves on a luxury cruise through the Caribbean and South Pacific. But when their dream vacation turns into a nightmare, they’ll need to do whatever it takes to stay together… and to stay alive.—

In case you need some life-saving tips today, FYI…
1. Say no to free cruises
If you make an enigmatic friend who’s a party girl at the club and has a seemingly large social media fan base, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, agree to go on an international cruise with her after only knowing her for like, two seconds. Even if she says the cruise is free, and that you’ll have a good time, don’t do it!
2. Note to self, there’s nothing casual about it
When you meet sketchy dudes in the bar on this cruise and you’re told by your party girl’s kinda-sorta-not-really boyfriend that all you need to do is hang out with them casually and make sure they have a good time, FYI, it’s never just casually “hanging out.” Trust me, before you sat down or those free margaritas, there were discussions about shady things happening.
3. Also, he’s not a nice guy
If you start having feelings for one of the sketchy dudes and you think to yourself, “He’s totally nice,” chances are, he’s not. He’s a wanna-be career criminal, and even if he shows flashes of kindness from his former pre-crime life, if almost every Lifetime movie ever made tells us anything, he’s really bad at his job, and you are in danger.
4. Don’t go into the jungle
If this guy asks you to take a road trip into the jungle in a country where people are known to disappear, YOU SAY NOOOOO! Do not go to a second location!
5. Again, stay on the boat
Should you end up going on this road trip (sigh), leave your passports and all your important documents on the boat. Or, better yet, STAY ON THE BOAT.
Oh, and if you happen to be taken hostage during this road trip by the bad guys, it’s because the “nice guy” was trying to do a criminal deal, and it’s gone awry.
6. It pays to have skills
Do you know how to hot wire a car? Yes? GOOD! If you find a broken down car on the side of the road, and you’ll need this critical skill to escape the bad guys by the skin of your teeth! Bonus points if you can drive a stick shift in a torn party dress and heels.
7. And last, but not least…
If your party girl friend (remember her?) says that in order to get out of the mess you’re in, you’ll have to bring lots of illegal items into a foreign country, dude. Just don’t do it.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

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